Why what really matters cannot be said.

The human mind will not go beyond the third level. In fact, if I’m telling you the fourth level, you will not follow me. Let’s try. I ask you: "how do you react to the way I consider your attitude towards my dealing with you?", …. We get lost! Minds usually do not arrive to the fourth level. There’s no possibility of arriving logically to the fourth level. But this is the ruling level. The third level is where we make the choice. The fourth level decides which choice we make. In the third level, we are still together. In the fourth, we are alone. In the third level, we co-operate. In the fourth level, we decide if we should continue or not with that co-operation. It is the stage which rules the decisions.

Now please note one important factor. What is most important is what is not possible to say! OK, I’m liking the fact that she likes the way I’m liking her. That still is mental and it is understood. But after that there’s a further choice, a choice they will never speak about, but which still is the final objective of communication.

This does not mean that it is not important "what" we talk about; or that it is not important to use linguistic structures and to express ourselves with words and images. Not at all. In fact, in order to arrive to that unsaid element, we need a long process in which we have to say a lot of things. To arrive to the unsaid element is the final objective of communication; and all the process is required to achieve the goal.

That unspoken word is not the absence of meaning, but fullness. It is not the absence of communication; it is the arrival point of communication. It is the centre of the wheel: i.e. the point of the wheel which is not a part of the movement, but which forms the axis around which the wheel moves. So the centre of the movement does not move, but it sustains the movement. So that unsaid element is not a part of the process of saying, but is the axis on which the entire process of "saying" moves. That unsaid element is enjoyed, is understood, is conveyed and it is what gives the meaning to the process of communication.

Now , there can be many instances in which the communication process breaks down. For instance, I may discover that she doesn’t like the fact that I like her. In that case, I turn my communication to more objective matters. I get out of the meta-meta-communication. I go back to the topic, to the issue, to the symbols. The less we are intimate, the more I will use the symbols for their references. And so when we want to cool down, we say that we are just exchanging objective information. That’s all. And that means we do not want to be intimate. So your meta-communication is not just the addition to the "normal" communication: it is the real ground on which our communication is taking place.